Case 1: Wanna have fun
At a Country Club gathering for the old wealthy gentlemen.
A 70 years old widower, Bob shows up with a breathtakingly beautiful and voluptuous 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who charms everyone with her youthful sex appeal. She hangs over his arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.
When opportunity comes, they cannot wait to ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’
Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’
They are stunned, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’
‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies.
What, did you tell her you were only 50?’
Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’
At another end of the room, an 82 year-old man, Charles is seen with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. His doctor who took his physical examination recently is amazed with his ability and wants to find out how he does it.
Doctor: ’You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Charles: ‘Just doing what you said, doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
Case 2: The hotel bill
An old couple is traveling by car from Victoria to Queensland for their second honeymoon.
Being seniors, having been on the road for eleven hours they were too tired to continue and decided to take a short rest for about four hours before getting back on the road again.
When they checked out four hours later, they were shocked to receive a bill of $350.00 at the reception desk.
The man exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so ridiculously high. He told the staff that even though it is a nice hotel, the rooms are not worth $350.00 for few hours. Not satisfied with the staff’s explanation, he insisted on speaking to the Manager.
As the Manager appeared, he listened attentively and then explained that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for the hotel guests to use.
“But we didn’t use them,” the husband said.
“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.
The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager said.
“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” the husband said.
“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, “But we didn’t use it!”
The Manager was persistent, and the man agreed to pay finally. He told his wife to write a check. She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. “But ma’am, this is only made out for $50.00.”
“That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.
“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”
(3) Memory clinic
Two elderly couples were having coffee when one of the men asked the other:
“Fred, how was the memory clinic you attended last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques like visualization and association”
“That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?”
Fred suddenly went blank. He tried very hard to recall but fail. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked,
“What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife. . .”Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”
(4) Old Nuts
A driver is takng off with a full bus-load of seniors for a trip. On the way, a little old lady taps his shoulder and offers a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps again and hands over another handful of almonds. After repeating this nice gesture many times, he inquires why they do not eat the almonds themselves, and her reply is that they have false teeth and unable to chew the nuts.
“Why do you buy them then?” he asks puzzled, whereupon the old lady smiles:
“We just love the chocolate around them!”
(5) Forgive your enemies
Toward the end of the service, the Minister wondered how many of the attendees have forgiven your enemies. A quick hand check revealed a high percentage exceeding 80%.
To reinforce what was mentioned, he repeated his question and this time all responded, except one small elderly lady.
”Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
”I don’t have any.” She replied with a sweet smile.
”Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
”100 years old.” She replied.
”Oh Mrs. Jones. Would you please come down to the front and tell us all how a person can live to a ripe old age without any enemy in this world.”
She tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: “I outlived the BITCHES!!!
Who dares to say growing old brings no wealth????
+ Silver in the Hair.
At a Country Club gathering for the old wealthy gentlemen.
When opportunity comes, they cannot wait to ask, ‘Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?’
Bob replies, ‘Girlfriend? She’s my wife!’
They are stunned, but continue to ask. ‘So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?’
‘I lied about my age’, Bob replies.
What, did you tell her you were only 50?’
Bob smiles and says, ‘No, I told her I was 90.’
At another end of the room, an 82 year-old man, Charles is seen with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. His doctor who took his physical examination recently is amazed with his ability and wants to find out how he does it.
Doctor: ’You’re really doing great, aren’t you?’
Charles: ‘Just doing what you said, doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
Doctor: ’I didn’t say that.. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.’
Case 2: The hotel bill
An old couple is traveling by car from Victoria to Queensland for their second honeymoon.
Being seniors, having been on the road for eleven hours they were too tired to continue and decided to take a short rest for about four hours before getting back on the road again.
When they checked out four hours later, they were shocked to receive a bill of $350.00 at the reception desk.
The man exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so ridiculously high. He told the staff that even though it is a nice hotel, the rooms are not worth $350.00 for few hours. Not satisfied with the staff’s explanation, he insisted on speaking to the Manager.
“But we didn’t use them,” the husband said.
“Well, they are here, and you could have,” explained the Manager.
The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “We have the best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager said.
“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” the husband said.
“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, “But we didn’t use it!”
The Manager was persistent, and the man agreed to pay finally. He told his wife to write a check. She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. “But ma’am, this is only made out for $50.00.”
“That’s correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me,” she replied.
“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.
“Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have.”
(3) Memory clinic
Two elderly couples were having coffee when one of the men asked the other:
“Fred, how was the memory clinic you attended last month?”
“Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techiniques like visualization and association”
“That’s great! What was the name of the clinic?”
Fred suddenly went blank. He tried very hard to recall but fail. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked,
“What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife. . .”Rose, what was the name of that clinic?”
(4) Old Nuts
A driver is takng off with a full bus-load of seniors for a trip. On the way, a little old lady taps his shoulder and offers a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps again and hands over another handful of almonds. After repeating this nice gesture many times, he inquires why they do not eat the almonds themselves, and her reply is that they have false teeth and unable to chew the nuts.
“Why do you buy them then?” he asks puzzled, whereupon the old lady smiles:
“We just love the chocolate around them!”
(5) Forgive your enemies
Toward the end of the service, the Minister wondered how many of the attendees have forgiven your enemies. A quick hand check revealed a high percentage exceeding 80%.
To reinforce what was mentioned, he repeated his question and this time all responded, except one small elderly lady.
”I don’t have any.” She replied with a sweet smile.
”Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
”100 years old.” She replied.
”Oh Mrs. Jones. Would you please come down to the front and tell us all how a person can live to a ripe old age without any enemy in this world.”
She tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: “I outlived the BITCHES!!!
Who dares to say growing old brings no wealth????
See how much accumulated wealth are there:
+ Gold in the Teeth.
+ Stones in the Kidneys.
+ Sugar in the Blood.
+ Lead in the Feet.
+ Iron in the Arteries.
And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas !
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