Case 1: At the surgery
One morning a patient arrives complaining of serious backache at the surgery room. The doctor examines his condition and asks: “What the hell did you do to your back?”
The patient replies: “As I left my work at a local night club this morning, I got back home and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and the balcony door was opened. I dashed to check on the balcony but did not find anyone. As I looked down from my apartment I saw a man running out whilst dressing himself. In a moment of fury, i grabbed the fridge and threw at him,
That’s how I strained my back.”
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor says: “My, the last guy looked bad, but you look terrible. What happened to you?”
He replies: “Having been unemployed for a while now and today being my first day at my new job, I forgot to set my alarm and was late for work. Whist running out of the building, I was getting dressed at the same time, and you would not believe it that I was hit by a fridge threw from above.”
The 3rd patient arrives, he looks much more terrible than the other two patients. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened to you?”
“Well I was sitting in a fridge and someone threw it from the 3rd floor.”
Case 2: It doesnt stink
An old guy visited the doctor, “Doc I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me at all. There is no smell and always silent. You may not be aware that I’ve farted at least 20 times for the short time here.
The doctor politely said, “I see. Take these pills and see me again next week.”
The guy got back timely, “Doc, I don’t know what the hell you gave me! Although my farts are silent, the stink is terrible.”
“Good”, the doctor said.”Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”
Case 3: When can I go home?
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while walking past the hospital’s swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end and sank to the bottom of the pool. Edna promptly jumped in to rescue and manage to pull him out.
When the Head Nurse Director was informed of Edna’s heroic act, she was ordered to be discharged from the hospital immediately, as her mental condition was considered stable.
Edna was given the news: ‘Edna, You have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?’
More jokes from the doctors….
1st patient…
A young woman visited her doctor when in pain.
“Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.
“You have to help me, I am hurt all over”, said the woman.
“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.”
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts”, she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, “You have a broken finger.”
2nd patient
Patient: “Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia but finally died of typhus.”
Doc: “Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”
3rd patient
A guy enters his office with both of his ears bandaged up. The boss says, “What happened to your ears?”
He says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.”
The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?” He says, “Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!”
4th patient
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
5th patient
A man required a heart transplant and was told that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup review.
The doctor asks him “How are you feeling?”
The heart patient replies “Not BAAAAD!”
6th patient
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”
God answered, “No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she was delighted to go the extra mile.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died instantly.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years, why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the car?”
God replied, “Sorry I didn’t recognize you.”
7th patient
“Why are you so excited?”, the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized.
Patient: “Oh doc, this is my first operation.”
Doc “Really? It’s mine too, and I am not excited at all.”
8th patient
In a psychiatrist’s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other,
“Why are you here?”
The second answers, “I’m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here.”
The first is curious and asks, “How do you know that you’re Napoleon?”
The second responds, “God told me I was.”
At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, “NO I DIDN’T!”
Doctor: You look so weak and exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 MALES a day.
What happen when two doctors meet?
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks for a dinner date and she accepts readily. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the heat-up session in bed, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.
She confirms and asks how he knew.
“Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”
She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”
Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?”
Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”
More jokes can be found at: http://www.workjoke.com/doctors-jokes.html
One morning a patient arrives complaining of serious backache at the surgery room. The doctor examines his condition and asks: “What the hell did you do to your back?”
That’s how I strained my back.”
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor says: “My, the last guy looked bad, but you look terrible. What happened to you?”
He replies: “Having been unemployed for a while now and today being my first day at my new job, I forgot to set my alarm and was late for work. Whist running out of the building, I was getting dressed at the same time, and you would not believe it that I was hit by a fridge threw from above.”
The 3rd patient arrives, he looks much more terrible than the other two patients. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened to you?”
“Well I was sitting in a fridge and someone threw it from the 3rd floor.”
Case 2: It doesnt stink
The doctor politely said, “I see. Take these pills and see me again next week.”
The guy got back timely, “Doc, I don’t know what the hell you gave me! Although my farts are silent, the stink is terrible.”
“Good”, the doctor said.”Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, let’s work on your hearing.”
Case 3: When can I go home?
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while walking past the hospital’s swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end and sank to the bottom of the pool. Edna promptly jumped in to rescue and manage to pull him out.
When the Head Nurse Director was informed of Edna’s heroic act, she was ordered to be discharged from the hospital immediately, as her mental condition was considered stable.
Edna was given the news: ‘Edna, You have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?’
More jokes from the doctors….
1st patient…
A young woman visited her doctor when in pain.
“Where are you hurting?” asked the doctor.
“You have to help me, I am hurt all over”, said the woman.
“What do you mean, all over?” asked the doctor, “be a little more specific.”
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, “Ow, that hurts.” Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, “Ouch! That hurts, too.” Then she touched her right earlobe, “Ow, even THAT hurts”, she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, “You have a broken finger.”
2nd patient
Patient: “Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heared once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia but finally died of typhus.”
Doc: “Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”
3rd patient
A guy enters his office with both of his ears bandaged up. The boss says, “What happened to your ears?”
He says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.”
The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?” He says, “Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!”
4th patient
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor: Didn’t the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.
5th patient
A man required a heart transplant and was told that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup review.
The doctor asks him “How are you feeling?”
The heart patient replies “Not BAAAAD!”
6th patient
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked “Is my time up?”
God answered, “No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.”
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she was delighted to go the extra mile.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died instantly.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years, why didn’t you pull me from out of the path of the car?”
God replied, “Sorry I didn’t recognize you.”
7th patient
“Why are you so excited?”, the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized.
Patient: “Oh doc, this is my first operation.”
Doc “Really? It’s mine too, and I am not excited at all.”
8th patient
In a psychiatrist’s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other,
“Why are you here?”
The second answers, “I’m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here.”
The first is curious and asks, “How do you know that you’re Napoleon?”
The second responds, “God told me I was.”
At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, “NO I DIDN’T!”
9th patient
Doctor: You look so weak and exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 MALES a day.
What happen when two doctors meet?
At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks for a dinner date and she accepts readily. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
After dinner, one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot, the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the heat-up session in bed, she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.
As she comes back the male doctor says, “I bet you are a surgeon”.
She confirms and asks how he knew.
“Easy, you’re always washing your hands.”
She then says, “I bet you’re an anesthesiologist.”
Male doctor: “Wow, how did you guess?”
Female doctor: “I didn’t feel a thing.”
More jokes can be found at: http://www.workjoke.com/doctors-jokes.html
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