To all married personnels and those ready to wed. Peace please! Listen to the guru for some sound advice.
Marriage (Part I)
A typical macho man married a good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: “I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”
(DAMN SHE’S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever.’
“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, “Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.’”
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
A doctor husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. He gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house. After sometime he feels bad and decides to apologise. The phone rings and she picks after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “what took you so long to answer the phone?”
She says, “I was in bed.”
“In bed at this early hour, doing what?”
She says “Getting a second opinion!”
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,” Mother of 6″ in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home ‘Mother of 6?”
His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouts right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of 4.”
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
Marriage (V)
God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. A man came home a day early from a business trip and discovered his wife in the midst of passionate lovemaking with a total stranger in their bedroom.
He demandingly asked, “What on earth are you doing?!?!!”
The wife turned to the other man and replied, “See, I told you he was as dumb as a post.”
(MAN!WAKE UP!!)
Marriage V1 – A classical hypnotist
A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything – been to several doctors and nothing has worked until one day she was having lunch with a friend who referred her to a hypnotist who, according to her friend “works wonders on anything”.
The woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband,
“Remember those headaches I have been having all of these years? Well, they are gone. No more headaches.”
The husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat “I do not have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache. Believe it or not, it worked! The headaches are all gone.”
The husband replies, “Well, that is wonderful.”
His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last several years. Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”
The husband is unsure he wants to do that, but agrees to try it.
Following his appointment with the hypnotist, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He rips off her clothes, puts her on the bed and says,”Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps on the bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”
The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.” He goes back into the bathroom, comes back a few minutes later for round two with his wife — even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning. “This is really great!”
Her husband again says, “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” With that he goes back in the bathroom.
This time his wife follows and sees him through the open crack in the door standing at the mirror and saying, “She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife. She’s NOT my wife!”
(WOMAN! WAKE UP!!)
Marriage (Part I)
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”
(DAMN SHE’S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold As Ever.’
“Yeah?” she replies. “When you die, I’m getting you a headstone that reads, “Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.’”
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
A doctor husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. He gets up in a rage and says, “And you are no good in bed either,” and storms out of the house. After sometime he feels bad and decides to apologise. The phone rings and she picks after many rings, and the irritated husband says, “what took you so long to answer the phone?”
She says, “I was in bed.”
“In bed at this early hour, doing what?”
She says “Getting a second opinion!”
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,” Mother of 6″ in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home ‘Mother of 6?”
His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouts right back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of 4.”
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
Marriage (V)
God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. A man came home a day early from a business trip and discovered his wife in the midst of passionate lovemaking with a total stranger in their bedroom.
He demandingly asked, “What on earth are you doing?!?!!”
The wife turned to the other man and replied, “See, I told you he was as dumb as a post.”
(MAN!WAKE UP!!)
Marriage V1 – A classical hypnotist
A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything – been to several doctors and nothing has worked until one day she was having lunch with a friend who referred her to a hypnotist who, according to her friend “works wonders on anything”.
The woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband,
“Remember those headaches I have been having all of these years? Well, they are gone. No more headaches.”
The husband asks, “What happened?”
His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat “I do not have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache. I DO NOT have a headache. Believe it or not, it worked! The headaches are all gone.”
The husband replies, “Well, that is wonderful.”
His wife then says, “You know, you haven’t been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last several years. Why don’t you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?”
The husband is unsure he wants to do that, but agrees to try it.
Following his appointment with the hypnotist, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He rips off her clothes, puts her on the bed and says,”Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps on the bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, “Boy, that was wonderful!”
The husband says, “Don’t move! I will be right back.” He goes back into the bathroom, comes back a few minutes later for round two with his wife — even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning. “This is really great!”
Her husband again says, “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” With that he goes back in the bathroom.
This time his wife follows and sees him through the open crack in the door standing at the mirror and saying, “She’s not my wife. She’s not my wife. She’s NOT my wife!”
(WOMAN! WAKE UP!!)
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