(1) Police officer
A police officer observes this guy who had been weaving his car in and out of the lanes. He taps the guy’s window and says “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.”
The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.” “I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“Well, then we need a urine sample.” “I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.” “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m too drunk to do that.”
Case 2: The dentist
Dentist: “I have to pull the aching tooth, but don’t worry it will take just five minutes.”
Patient: “How much will it cost?”
Dentist: ”About $90.00.”
Patient: “$90.00 for just a few minutes work?”
Dentist: “I can extract it very slowly if you like.”
Case 3: The consultant
A physician, a civil engineer, and a consultant were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.
The physician remarked, “Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.”
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, “But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world.”
The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, “Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?”
Case 5: The psychiatrist
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.
To the first mom he said, “You are obsessed with eating and even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money as manifests in your child’s name, Penny.”
He turned to the third mom. “Your obsession is alcohol and your child’s name is Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go home.”
Case 6: The psychologist
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “NO! I won’t sleep with you tonight!”
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology, and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?!”
Case 9: The lawyer
The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father’s firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father’s office, and said, “Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you’ve been working on for ten years!”
His father responded: “You idiot, we could live on the funding of that case for another ten years!”
Case 10: The top salesman
As an excellent sales executive opened the door of his BMW, a car appeared from nowhere and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the sales guy was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!”, he whined.
“You salespeople are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!”
“Oh my gaaad….”, replied the guy, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, “Where’s my Rolex???!!!!!”
Source: http://www.workjoke.com/
The man says, “Sorry officer I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I’ll have a really bad asthma attack.”
“Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample.” “I can’t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I’ll bleed to death.”
“Well, then we need a urine sample.” “I’m sorry officer I can’t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I’ll get really low blood sugar.”
“Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.” “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m too drunk to do that.”
Case 2: The dentist
Patient: “How much will it cost?”
Dentist: ”About $90.00.”
Patient: “$90.00 for just a few minutes work?”
Dentist: “I can extract it very slowly if you like.”
Case 3: The consultant
The physician remarked, “Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.”
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, “But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world.”
The consultant leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, “Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?”
Case 5: The psychiatrist
To the first mom he said, “You are obsessed with eating and even named your daughter Candy.”
He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money as manifests in your child’s name, Penny.”
He turned to the third mom. “Your obsession is alcohol and your child’s name is Brandy.”
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go home.”
Case 6: The psychologist
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “NO! I won’t sleep with you tonight!”
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology, and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?!”
His father responded: “You idiot, we could live on the funding of that case for another ten years!”
Case 10: The top salesman
“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!”, he whined.
“You salespeople are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!”
“Oh my gaaad….”, replied the guy, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, “Where’s my Rolex???!!!!!”
Source: http://www.workjoke.com/
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