Case 1: First standard student
A student Mark approached his teacher with a problem: “I’m too smart for the first standard. My sister is in the third standard and I’m smarter than she is! Therefore, I should be in the third standard too!”
The teacher could not handle the matter and brought him over to the principal’s office.
While Mark waited in the outer office, the teacher informed principal of the request. The principal decided to give the boy a test a third standard kid should know and if he failed to answer most of his questions, there is no more consideration and he has to go back to the first standard and behave. The teacher liked the idea too.
Mark was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. You can do the same test as him to judge your own standard.
Principal: “How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Mark: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
Principal: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? (wrong!!)
Mark: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
Principal: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All of the animals attend… except one. Which animal does not attend?
Mark: The Elephant. It is in the refrigerator.
Principal: There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Mark: I will jump into the river and swim across. It is safe because all the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
The principal was so impressed, looking at the teacher and told her,
“I think Mark can move to the third standard.”
The teacher said to the principal, “Wait, let me ask him some questions as well?”
Both agreed. The teacher started, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Mark, pondered for a moment, “Legs.”
Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide but before he could stop the answer, Mark was taking charge.
Mark replied confidently, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Mark is so cool to answer: “Coconut.”
Teacher: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
Mark said cheekily: “Bubblegum.”
Teacher: “What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?”
Mark gesticulated: “Shake hands.”
Teacher: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
Mark replied warmly: A “tea bag”.
Teacher: “Now I will ask some ‘Who am I?’ sort of questions. Ok?”
Mark: “Yep.”
Teacher: “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.”
Mark thought carefully and answered: “Tent.”
Teacher: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always gets me first.”
The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Mark said innocently: “Wedding ring.”
Teacher: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.”
Mark pointed: “Nose.”
Teacher: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
Mark bowed: “Arrow.”
Teacher: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?”
Mark indicated heat: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Mark in the fifth standard, He scored full marks. I missed the last ten questions myself.”
Case 2: Idiots
“Will all the idiots in this room who dirtied the floor please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
Case 3: Little April
A little girl was fond of sleeping throughout the Sunday school. One day the nun teaching the class called on her while she was napping again.
“Tell me, April, who created the Universe?”
When April did not stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the nun said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the nun asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour?”
This time round April did not even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the nun said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
After awhile, the nun asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
Johnny had no choice but to jab her with the pin again.
This time April jumped up and shouted,
“IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”
The nun fainted…
A student Mark approached his teacher with a problem: “I’m too smart for the first standard. My sister is in the third standard and I’m smarter than she is! Therefore, I should be in the third standard too!”
The teacher could not handle the matter and brought him over to the principal’s office.
While Mark waited in the outer office, the teacher informed principal of the request. The principal decided to give the boy a test a third standard kid should know and if he failed to answer most of his questions, there is no more consideration and he has to go back to the first standard and behave. The teacher liked the idea too.
Principal: “How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
Mark: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
Principal: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? (wrong!!)
Mark: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.
Principal: The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All of the animals attend… except one. Which animal does not attend?
Mark: The Elephant. It is in the refrigerator.
Principal: There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Mark: I will jump into the river and swim across. It is safe because all the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.
The principal was so impressed, looking at the teacher and told her,
“I think Mark can move to the third standard.”
The teacher said to the principal, “Wait, let me ask him some questions as well?”
Mark, pondered for a moment, “Legs.”
Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal’s eyes open really wide but before he could stop the answer, Mark was taking charge.
Mark replied confidently, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?”
Mark is so cool to answer: “Coconut.”
Teacher: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?”
Mark said cheekily: “Bubblegum.”
Teacher: “What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?”
Mark gesticulated: “Shake hands.”
Teacher: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
Mark replied warmly: A “tea bag”.
Teacher: “Now I will ask some ‘Who am I?’ sort of questions. Ok?”
Mark: “Yep.”
Teacher: “You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.”
Mark thought carefully and answered: “Tent.”
Teacher: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always gets me first.”
The Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Mark said innocently: “Wedding ring.”
Teacher: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.”
Mark pointed: “Nose.”
Teacher: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
Mark bowed: “Arrow.”
Teacher: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?”
Mark indicated heat: “Firetruck.”
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Mark in the fifth standard, He scored full marks. I missed the last ten questions myself.”
Case 2: Idiots
“Will all the idiots in this room who dirtied the floor please stand up” said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the teacher with a sneer.
“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”
Case 3: Little April
A little girl was fond of sleeping throughout the Sunday school. One day the nun teaching the class called on her while she was napping again.
“Tell me, April, who created the Universe?”
When April did not stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the nun said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the nun asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour?”
This time round April did not even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the nun said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
Johnny had no choice but to jab her with the pin again.
This time April jumped up and shouted,
“IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”
The nun fainted…
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