Case 1: Do you understand BLONDE?
A plane is on its way to Melbourne when a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to sit in the First Class section. The flight attendant watches her movement and asks to see her ticket. Seeing that she holds only an Economy ticket, the request is to return to her original seat.
The blonde replies, ‘I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m staying right here!’
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class refusing to move back to the Economy Class. The co-pilot tries to ezplain courteously but to no avail. Exasperated the co-pilot gives up and suggests to the pilot that the police should be alerted upon landing to arrest the unreasonable blonde.
The pilot – James Bond says, ‘You say she’s blonde?’ ‘I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde, and I speak blonde language!’
He approaches the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh I’m sorry – I had no idea,” and gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed to find out what he said to make her move without any fuss.
The pilot replied, “I told her First Class isn’t going to Melbourne“.
Case 2: CATCH me if you can!
“If you can catch me, you can have me!!!
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said.
The blonde replies, ‘I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Melbourne and I’m staying right here!’
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there is some blonde bimbo sitting in First Class refusing to move back to the Economy Class. The co-pilot tries to ezplain courteously but to no avail. Exasperated the co-pilot gives up and suggests to the pilot that the police should be alerted upon landing to arrest the unreasonable blonde.
The pilot – James Bond says, ‘You say she’s blonde?’ ‘I’ll handle this, I’m married to a blonde, and I speak blonde language!’
He approaches the blonde, whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh I’m sorry – I had no idea,” and gets up and moves back to her seat in the Economy section.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed to find out what he said to make her move without any fuss.
The pilot replied, “I told her First Class isn’t going to Melbourne“.
Case 2: CATCH me if you can!
A man was instructed by his doctor to lose 75 pounds due to very serious health problems. As he wondered how to go about shedding so much, he spotted an ad in the newspaper for a GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM“
“Guaranteed. Yeah right! ” he thought to himself. Being desperate, he calls the number stated in the ad and subscribes to the 3-day/10-pound weight loss program.
The following day a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old young lady appears at the door and introduces herself as a representative of the weight-loss company. She has a sign round her neck that reads:
Without a second thought he takes off after her.
A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her with his last breath. After they are rested and she leaves, he thinks to himself, ”I like the way this company does business!”
The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens. On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is glad a drop of 10 lbs as promised.
Thrilled, he decides to order a more intensive 5-day/20 pound program. The next day he is so elated to find the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes with the sign around her neck that reads,
“If you catch me, you can have me!!!”
He is out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a very long while to catch her, but when he does, he is cramping and wheezing.
For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs as promised.
He wonders what can come next from the most exciting 7-day/50 pound program. So he dialed for it.
“Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone. “This is our most rigorous program. “
” Absolutely, ” he replies, ” I haven’t felt this good in years.”
The next day there’s a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:
“If I catch you, you’re mine! “
Case 3: Welcome to JAMAICA
Once upon a time, there is this guy by the name Jack, and his girlfriend Wendy. Jack loves Wendy a lot. To prove how much he loves her, he got “Wendy” tattooed on his dick. When erected, it shows her name, and when deflated, it reads “Wy”. When she saw her name on his masculine member, she was overwhelmed. He popped the question, and she accepted.
So Jack and Wendy decided to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. Once there, they tried out all the local culture, including a nude beach. They were having a great time, when Jack decided to get up from sunbathing to get something to drink at the beach bar.
He walked over to the bar with his deflated love muscle, trying not to let his eyes wander and end up embarrassing himself. He ordered a drink from the guy at the bar, who was also naked. He was surprised to note that the bartender also had “Wy” tattooed on his dick!
Jack said to the guy, “Wow, what a coincidence.
So, you have a girlfriend named ‘Wendy’ and her name is tattooed on your dick too?”
The bartender looked slowly down at Jack’s thing, back to his and started laughing. Flashing a wide grin, he said,
“No, mon. Mine says:
‘Welcome to Jamaica. Have a beautiful day.‘
Case 4: Lost wives
Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5″7, 36-24-36, Fair, blue eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
Case 5: DA VINCI CODE
Written across the wall of the cave were the following ancient symbols shown below. The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum to let archaeologists from all over the world to study. Thereafter, a huge meeting was held to discuss the meaning of the markings. The verdict was an unanimous one that this unique find and the writings were dated at least 3000 years old!
The President of the Society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman.
He walked over to the bar with his deflated love muscle, trying not to let his eyes wander and end up embarrassing himself. He ordered a drink from the guy at the bar, who was also naked. He was surprised to note that the bartender also had “Wy” tattooed on his dick!
Jack said to the guy, “Wow, what a coincidence.
So, you have a girlfriend named ‘Wendy’ and her name is tattooed on your dick too?”
The bartender looked slowly down at Jack’s thing, back to his and started laughing. Flashing a wide grin, he said,
“No, mon. Mine says:
‘Welcome to Jamaica. Have a beautiful day.‘
Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.
2nd: She is 5″7, 36-24-36, Fair, blue eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
Case 5: DA VINCI CODE
Written across the wall of the cave were the following ancient symbols shown below. The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum to let archaeologists from all over the world to study. Thereafter, a huge meeting was held to discuss the meaning of the markings. The verdict was an unanimous one that this unique find and the writings were dated at least 3000 years old!
The President of the Society pointed to first drawing and said: "This is a woman.
We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
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