Case 1: Damn it!
Whilst a guy is browsing in a pet shop, he sees a parrot sitting on a little perch without any feet or legs. The guy says aloud,
"Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot replies, “I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.”
“Holy Shit” the guy replies. “Hey you understand me!”
“I got every word,” says the parrot. “I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.”
“Oh yeah?” the guy asks out of curiosity, “How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?”
“Well this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my dick around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can’t see it with my feathers covering up.”
“Wow,” says the guy. “So you really can understand and speak English?”
“Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics and philosophy. You really ought to buy me. I’d be a great companion.”
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. “Sorry, but I just can’t afford that.”
“Pssssssst,” says the parrot, “I’m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don’t have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!”
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational and has a keen sense of humor, The guy is so delighted to have a pal so interesting, understanding, sympathetical and insightful.
One day the guy gets home from work and is greeted by the parrot motioning him over with one wing. “I don’t know if I should tell you this or not, but it’s about your wife and the postman.”
“What are you talking about?” asks the guy.
“When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.”
“WHAT???” the guy asks incredulously. “THEN what happened?”
“Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,” reported the parrot.
“NO!” he exclaims. “And she let him?”
“Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over….”
Then the frantic guy demands, “THEN WHAT HAPPENED?”
“Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.
(2) Catholic parrots
One day, a lady goes to her priest to seek help,
"Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot replies, “I was born this way. I’m a defective parrot.”
“Holy Shit” the guy replies. “Hey you understand me!”
“I got every word,” says the parrot. “I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.”
“Oh yeah?” the guy asks out of curiosity, “How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?”
“Well this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my dick around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can’t see it with my feathers covering up.”
“Wow,” says the guy. “So you really can understand and speak English?”
“Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics and philosophy. You really ought to buy me. I’d be a great companion.”
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. “Sorry, but I just can’t afford that.”
“Pssssssst,” says the parrot, “I’m defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don’t have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!”
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational and has a keen sense of humor, The guy is so delighted to have a pal so interesting, understanding, sympathetical and insightful.
One day the guy gets home from work and is greeted by the parrot motioning him over with one wing. “I don’t know if I should tell you this or not, but it’s about your wife and the postman.”
“What are you talking about?” asks the guy.
“When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.”
“WHAT???” the guy asks incredulously. “THEN what happened?”
“Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,” reported the parrot.
“Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over….”
Then the frantic guy demands, “THEN WHAT HAPPENED?”
“Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch.
(2) Catholic parrots
“Father, I have a problem. My two female parrots can only say one thing.”
After a few minutes the female parrots cried out in unison: ”Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?”
“What do they say?” the priest inquired.
They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?”
“That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
“Dont worry,” he said, “I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots – Francis and Peter which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage together. My parrots can teach yours to praise and worship, and soon they would stop saying those terrible words.”
“Thank you,” the woman responded, “this certainly sounds good.”
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house. As he ushered her in, she saw the two male parrots inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed,
“Put the beads away Frank, our prayers have been answered!”
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