Gets better and better (jokes)

  

(1)  Circles

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared for Court hearing on Friday.

The Judge commented, “Both of you seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance rather than impose a jail term. Over this weekend I want you to try to show others the evils of drug abuse and stop taking drugs forever. Report to me here again next Monday.”

Come Monday, the two guys appeared in front of the judge. The first one gave his result.

“Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.”

“17 people? That’s wonderful! What did you tell them?”

“I used a diagram, Your Honor. I drew two circles ! like this: O o

….and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.”

“Well done!!” said the Judge.

To the second boy the judge said,” And you, how did you do?”

“Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.”

“Really! That’s amazing!! How did you manage to do that?”

“Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles … o O
…..and pointing to the small circle told them: “this is your asshole before prison…..”

(2)  See see see see!

An elderly couple went to watch the strongest bull fight. After the contest they interviewed the 3rd prize bull’s owner for his secret.

The woman asked: ”How do you make your bull so strong?”

The owner said: “You have to make sure the bull makes love once a week.”

The woman turned to her husband and said: “See!”

The old man was displeased but said nothing.

They then went to the 2nd prize bull’s owner and the old woman asked the same question.

This owner replied: “You must make sure your bull makes love 2 or 3 times a week.”

Again the woman turned to her husband and said:  “See! See!”


The old man was annoyed but remained silent.

Moving to the 1st prize bull’s owner, the old woman asked the same question.

The reply was: “You must make sure your bull makes love at least once every day.”

The woman turned to her husband and said; “See! See! See!”

This time the old man got angry and asked the owner:

“But does your bull always make love to the same cow?”

The owner replied: “You stupid. Of course NOT! Many many cows.”

The old man quickly turned to the old woman and said: “See! See! See! See!”

(3)  Oh! My GOD !!

Four Catholic mothers are having coffee together and boasting how important their children are.

The first one says aloud, “My son is a PRIEST.  When he walks into a room, everyone addresses him ‘Father’.”

The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a BISHOP.  Whenever he walks into a room, people politely call out, ‘Your Grace’.”

The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put you down, but my son is a CARDINAL.  Whenever he walks into a room, you can hear echoing, Your Eminence’.”

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle “Well…?”

She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6’2″, hard-bodied, well-hung, MALE STRIPPER. Whenever he walks into a room, women scream,

“My God………”