HEAVEN and HELL (joke)

  

Three women died together in an accident and arrived at the Heaven’s gate. St. Peter warmly welcomed them but cautioned, “We only have one rule here in Heaven:

“DONT STEP ON THE DUCKS!”

Upon entering Heaven, they spotted ducks everywhere and was almost impossible not to step on any. As much as they tried their best to avoid the ducks, the first woman accidentally landed on one.

Along came St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw when alive. St. Peter chained them together and said, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity with this ugly man!”

The following day, the second woman committed the same mistake and met with the same fate,

The third woman had observed the tragedies and, not wanting to be punished the same way, was extra careful with every single step she took. She managed to go months without stepping on any ducks.

To her pleasant surprise, one day St. Peter came up to her with the most gorgeous Adonis she had ever laid eyes on – good height, tan, muscular and with golden hairs. St. Peter chained them together without a word.

The woman remarked, “I wonder what I did to deserve being with you for all of eternity?”

The pitiful guy said, “Well, I don’t know what you did, but I stepped on a duck.”

KEYS TO THE CHAMBERS

After their deaths, two men and a woman had to appear at the Judgment Corner to decide on their next posting. The Judge holds big and small keys – big to the Heaven’s chamber and small to the Hell’s entrance door.

Judge to first man: Do you think you have done enough good deeds in your lifetime?

He proudly said: I was a doctor and took care of many patients very well and free for the poor ones.

Judge:  Well done. You can proceed to the Heaven’s chamber with the big key.

The doctor was overjoyed and disappeared immediately.

The second man’s turn and was asked the same question.

He gladly replied: Yes, I was a champion lawyer and chose to redress only those who were aggrieved to uphold justice.

Judge: Excellent. Your record shows you really have done a wonderful job. Take the big key to open the Heaven’s gate.

The lawyer was so excited and rushed off. The third person, a prostitute stepped forward.

Judge to the sexy lady: Are you as kind and generous as the other two guys?

Lady: Yes of course. I offered my body for a good cause so that the society can stay crime free and there would not be any rape case or illicit affair.

Judge: You are really great indeed.  Shall reward you accordingly.

She was handed the smaller key.

Lady: Sir, I deserve to go Heaven. Can I have the big key please.

Judge:  Dear, this small key is to my bedroom. You have to accommodate my request this time. I have enough of Hell. Let me experience how it is like to be in Heaven please!