For all SMART Men and Women

  

THIS JOKE IS FOR SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS WHO CAN HANDLE IT.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman=pregnancy

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OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

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SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.

A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.

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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS




A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

Guys do not promise your woman too early that you love her so much to go through hell for her. After married you would really get there.
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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
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DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.  Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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WOMAN – Even if you are smart, take note:

At 18 – You are a football, 22 men going after you.

At 28 – You are a hockey ball, 8 men going after you.

At 38 – You are a golf ball, 1 man hitting on you.

At 48 – You are a ping-pong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.

MAN – Even if you are a smart guy, dont laugh at the woman yet.

At 20 – You are like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.

At 30 – You are like a durian, dangerous but delicious.

At 40 – You are like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.

At 50 – You are like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.

At 60 - You are just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.

Continue to be smart and happy!

Real SMART guys (jokes)

  

Case 1:  Only when it rains….

There is a woman who likes to bring guys into her house when her husband is at work. On a wet and lusty day she was in bed a new boyfriend. Suddenly, she heard her husband’s car pulled into the driveway. Horrified, she screamed:

“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

 

“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets “Cant you see it’s raining out there!”

 

“If he catches us in here, he is going kill us both!” she replied. “He’s very hot tempered and has a large gun!  Get out now fast!”

 

The lover had no choice but to jump out of bed, grab his clothes and flung out of the window.

Running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly realised he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon with many participants. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to go with the crowd. A small group of runners caught up with him and out of curiosity, jogged closer.

 

“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.

 

“Oh yes” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running.”

 

A second runner asked. “Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?”

 

“Oh, yes” he answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

 

A third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried:  “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

 

“Only if it’s raining.” he answered matter of fact.

Case 2:  You know who I am?

On his first day in a big multinational company a trainee dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone, ”Get me a coffee quickly!“

The voice from the other side responded, ”You fool!

You’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to, dumbo?“

” No“, replied the trainee.

”It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot! ” the MD responded.

The young man shouted back,

” And do you know who you’re talking to, you old fool?“

” No“, replied the MD.

”Thank God!”, replied the trainee, and he quickly put down the phone.

(3)  Knowledge is POWER

During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank:

”Don’t move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you.”

Everyone in the premises froze.
(This is called “Mind Changing Concept”. Changing the conventional way of thinking.)

When a lady laid on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her:

”Please be mindful of your modesty! This is a robbery and not a rape!”
(This is called “Being Professional”. Focus only on what you are trained to do!)

When the bank robbers got home, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (lowly educated):

“Big brother, let’s count how much we got.”

The older robber rebutted and said:

“You are very stupid. It takes a long time to count so much money. Wait for the TV news tonight to disclose the amount robbed from the bank!”
(This is called “Experience”. Paper qualifications not required.)

After the robbers had left, the bank manager instructed the bank supervisor to alert the police quickly. The supervisor had more in mind:

“Wait! Let us take out another $10 million from the vault to add on to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.
(This is called “Swim with the tide”. Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!)

Both agreed: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.”
(This is called “Killing Boredom”.  Personal Happiness is more important than your job.)

So the TV news reported that $100 million was removed from the bank. The robbers counted several times but could only find $20 million.  They were very angry and complained:


“We risked our lives for this sum. The bank personnels took $80 million without lifting their fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!”
(This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold!”)

The bank manager and his supervisor were laughing to the bank and their recent losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.
(This is called “Seizing the opportunity”. Daring to take risks!)

Tales of the priests (jokes)

  

NO OFFENCE.  JUST FOR LAUGHS.....

(1)  VODKA or the PRIEST
‏
At his first mass, a new priest was trembling and could only murmur. After the session he approached the monsignor to seek help.

The monsignor replied, “I usually put a glass of vodka next to the water glass so when I get nervous on the pulpit I would take a sip.”

The new priest decided to try out this way too. On the following Sunday, before the sermon began, he got so tense and took a mouthful.  He managed to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don’t gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off  his donkey, don’t say he was stoned off his ass.

(2)  Hi! FATHER!! is ME !!!

Two priests decided to take a vacation in Hawaii without any fuss. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. to avoid being recognised as clergy.


The next morning they were on the beach dressed in their trendy outfits. Sitting on the deck chairs, enjoying the drinks, sunshine and the waves, they were greeted by a “drop dead gorgeous” blonde in a thong bikini. They could not help but stare. As the blond passed by she smiled and said:

“Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father.” nodding and addressing each of them individually, and breezed off.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?  So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits.

Appearing the next day in their loud new attire, they settled on the spot again. To their pleasant surprise, the same gorgeous blonde wearing a string, moved toward them and acknowledged:

“Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father.” and started to walk away.

One of the priests could not take it any longer and said:

“Wait a minute young lady”

“Yes, Father?”

“We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?”

“Father, it’s me, Sister Angela.” she replied.

(3)  IS DARK IN HERE….

Are you scared of darkness?

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also gets home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says,'Dark in here.'

The man says,'Yes, it is.'

Boy:'I have a baseball..'
Man:'That's nice'
Boy:'Want to buy it?'
Man:'No,thanks.'
Boy:'My Dad's outside.'
Man:'OK, how much?'
Boy:'$250'

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy:'Dark in here.'
Man:'Yes,it is.'
Boy:'I have a baseball glove.'
The lover,remembering the last time, asks the boy,'How much?'
Boy:'$750'
Man:'Sold.'

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.'

The boy says,'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.'

The Dad asks,'How much did you sell them for?'

Boy:'$1,000'

The Dad says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends this way. I'm taking you to church to make confession.'

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says,'Dark in here.'

The priest says,'Don't start that shit again; you're in my closet now." 

Case 4:  No shit!

After a sermon, a man went up to shake the preacher’s hand. He said,‘Preacher, I’ll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!’

The preacher said, ‘Thank you sir, but I’d rather you didn’t use profanity.’

The man said, ‘I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!’

The preacher said, ‘No shit?’   

HEAVEN and HELL (joke)

  

Three women died together in an accident and arrived at the Heaven’s gate. St. Peter warmly welcomed them but cautioned, “We only have one rule here in Heaven:

“DONT STEP ON THE DUCKS!”

Upon entering Heaven, they spotted ducks everywhere and was almost impossible not to step on any. As much as they tried their best to avoid the ducks, the first woman accidentally landed on one.

Along came St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw when alive. St. Peter chained them together and said, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity with this ugly man!”

The following day, the second woman committed the same mistake and met with the same fate,

The third woman had observed the tragedies and, not wanting to be punished the same way, was extra careful with every single step she took. She managed to go months without stepping on any ducks.

To her pleasant surprise, one day St. Peter came up to her with the most gorgeous Adonis she had ever laid eyes on – good height, tan, muscular and with golden hairs. St. Peter chained them together without a word.

The woman remarked, “I wonder what I did to deserve being with you for all of eternity?”

The pitiful guy said, “Well, I don’t know what you did, but I stepped on a duck.”

KEYS TO THE CHAMBERS

After their deaths, two men and a woman had to appear at the Judgment Corner to decide on their next posting. The Judge holds big and small keys – big to the Heaven’s chamber and small to the Hell’s entrance door.

Judge to first man: Do you think you have done enough good deeds in your lifetime?

He proudly said: I was a doctor and took care of many patients very well and free for the poor ones.

Judge:  Well done. You can proceed to the Heaven’s chamber with the big key.

The doctor was overjoyed and disappeared immediately.

The second man’s turn and was asked the same question.

He gladly replied: Yes, I was a champion lawyer and chose to redress only those who were aggrieved to uphold justice.

Judge: Excellent. Your record shows you really have done a wonderful job. Take the big key to open the Heaven’s gate.

The lawyer was so excited and rushed off. The third person, a prostitute stepped forward.

Judge to the sexy lady: Are you as kind and generous as the other two guys?

Lady: Yes of course. I offered my body for a good cause so that the society can stay crime free and there would not be any rape case or illicit affair.

Judge: You are really great indeed.  Shall reward you accordingly.

She was handed the smaller key.

Lady: Sir, I deserve to go Heaven. Can I have the big key please.

Judge:  Dear, this small key is to my bedroom. You have to accommodate my request this time. I have enough of Hell. Let me experience how it is like to be in Heaven please!

The CUP of Life

  

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers arranged to visit their old university professor together.  Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. The professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups in porcelain, plastic, glass and crystal form. Their looks varied from plain to expensive and exquisite.

Having helped themselves to the hot coffee with different cups, the professor commented:

“If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups and were eyeing each other’s cups.”

“Now if LIFE is COFFEE, then the JOBS, MONEY and STATUS in society are the CUPS. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life does not change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.”

In today’s world, people are busier than ever with endless engagements, but less happy than before. There is nothing wrong with high activity and hard work but when you overspend all your time and energy on that, you neglect the truly important things in life.

“Imagine LIFE as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air namely work, family, health, friends and spirit and you have to balance all of them in the air. (by Bryan Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola.)

Drop WORK the rubber ball and it bounces back whilst all four balls made of glass will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. Hence, there is a need to strike a balance altogether.

However as work plays a vital role in balancing the other 4 balls for most of us, always adopt ways by which you could do your job more effectively and add a lot of value to it.  Commit some time to read, relax, think, meditate and pick up new ideas, so as to learn and grow. If you do not sharpen your axe constantly, we will become dull and lose your effectiveness and thus add little values to the lives of other people.

To manage the other 4 balls, start a GARDEN of your daily living.

Please sow your SEEDS of LOVE…..

PLANT THREE ROWS OF PEAS:

1.     Peace of MIND

2.     Peace of HEART

3.     Peace of SOUL





PLANT FOUR ROWS OF SQUASH:

1.  Squash GOSSIP

2.  Squash INDIFFERENCE

3.  Squash GRUMBLING

4.  Squash SELFISHNESS





PLANT FOUR ROWS OF LETTUCE (LET’S):

1.  Lettuce be FAITHFUL

2.  Lettuce be KIND

3.   Lettuce be PATIENT

4.   Lettuce REALLY LOVE ONE ANOTHER


NO GARDEN WITHOUT TURNIPS  (THE NEED):

1. Turnip for MEETINGS

2. Turnip for SERVICE

3. Turnip TO HELP ONE ANOTHER



WATER FREELY WITH PATIENCE AND CULTIVATE WITH LOVE!

TO CONCLUDE IN OUR GARDEN OF LIFE WE MUST HAVE THYME (TIME):

1.  thyme for each other

2.  thyme for family

3.  thyme for friends

to enjoy the cup of life.

How to be a BETTER couple (with jokes)

  

Trust is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

Steps to take to enjoy each other better: (Enjoy the beautiful soap flowers handcrafted by villagers in Chiang Rai available as souvenirs all around Thailand)


1. Be realistic about each other – Do not be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. This true understanding can be the binding force in a mature relationship. Thus, chill out, love each other for what you are. There is more to your partner than what meets the eye.

A man asked his father-in-law, “Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?”

The father-in-law answered in a smile, “Never criticise your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than you.”

2. Always talk things out – More ladies than men are in a better position to resolve issues this way. Do not make assumptions about each other’s feelings. Instead, learn to express yourself better so that your partner understands what you are mad about, or hurt about, or even happy about! Remember, when you stop talking to each other from the heart, it is the beginning of the end.

3. Do stuff together – Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find time. Make an effort to do things together. Engage in some shared activities both of you enjoy or are interested in eg. watching movie. If you are spending more time with your buddies than with your partner, it is a warning sign that you are drifting apart!


4. Meet at midway – A little giving and taking to compromise in a relationship is necessary at all times to keep going without undue friction.

5. Shower your love – Do not forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated. It is wonderful to show someone that you still care or being romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.


6. Mutual respect  – Love is about respecting each other’s feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times. Therefore, do not use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.

7. Bury the past – Stop bringing up the past, especially unpleasant experiences that can affect mutual feelings. Do not attempt to dig into past relationship in a moment of jeolousy. This is like a poison that slowly spreads through the relationship before finally killing it.

8. Be committed -  Making your partner your priority and avoid disappointments like cancelling dates and breaking promises randomly. When this feeling of no importance is strong, your partner may think is time to part.

9. Be honest – Honesty is clear expression of your feelings short of being blunt and sarcastic. A relationship without honesty probably is not worth anything.



Best advice:

The quickest way to receive love is to give;

The fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and

The best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Creating perfect relationship?

A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested “I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one.”

The SDU officer said, “Your requirements, please!”

“Oh, good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don’t go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest.”

The officer listened carefully and replied, “I understand you need television.”]

Marriage & Divorce (jokes)

Before marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!

 

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I’m not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

  

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top…….

How not to stay unhappy together (jokes)

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog – you know he’ll shut up when he comes in.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A woman was telling her friend, “It is I who made my husband a millionaire.”
“And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
The woman replied “A billionaire.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. “In all that time did you ever consider divorce?” they were asked.

“Oh, no, not divorce,”

One said. “Murder sometimes, but never divorce.”

The HAPPY Singles

  

If you fall into the mid-30s to 40s who are still unwed and are longing to find your soulmate to settle down and start a family, are you feeling frustrated to be left out?

Counting the days, you may lose hope that marriage is no longer on the card. Having many close friends in life may not help either as loneliness creeps in when they drift apart after being hitched. The strong belief that only true love and companionship with a life long partner matters is deeply ingrained in all adults’ minds.

Life completes only with marriage?

Do you need to be married and raise a family to make your life complete to be happy and contented? Most people are sure that the abundant joy that comes along as a package is too good to miss. It is not fair to expect the other half to offer happiness if you simply hand over your fate. On the contrary, badly managed marriage does not guarantee happiness and may end up in divorce instead.

Marriage is a wonderful institution if you find the right mate and both are ready to compromise most of the time. Hence, it should be a serious consideration and not jump into it prematurely just because you are getting older and time is running out.

Finding the right partner does not mean that you should shut off from the world completely. Everyone can still find happiness and fulfillment in other activities and relationships as well. A good way to find meaning and satisfaction is to become involved in helping others through charity organizations, volunteer work, community activities, working for political causes, and helping the needy. This is where you can meet people and learn about how they cope with their lives.

Being single…


Many younger people are staying single longer so as to focus on building their careers first to achieve happiness and success before seeking serious relationships. Being single allows you to examine your inner self and identify the person you really want to be in life.  Life is never empty if you know how to add value to yourself and others. Your life, and how you live it, is your choice.

RICK WARREN - the Purpose Driven Life
"DONT DATE BECAUSE YOU ARE DESPERATE AND DONT MARRY BECAUSE YOU ARE MISERABLE."
JOKE

Why do married men gain weight while single men don’t?

-  A single man goes to the refrigerator, sees nothing that he wants, and goes to bed.

-  A married man goes to bed, sees nothing he wants, and goes to the refrigerator.

How to spend your $$$ wisely?

  

In any affluent society we are living in, the rat race is inevitable in our daily life. Undoubtedly, we have to work hard to earn our fair share in order to survive well. Having said that, we should also make money works hard for us in return, adding values to our life and hopefully contributes to the well-being of others and the society at large. Without money is impossible to help yourself or others, but do not forget the law of diminishing returns will set in gradually. This is why billionaires round the world are returning their fortunes to societies to realise their self-actualisation needs.  At the end of the day, we should ask ourselves if we need so much money to live in this world and is our life worth living!

Below are superb articles featuring three characters who define what wealth means and how it can be better utilised.

(1) The prestigious 99 club

One upon a time, there lived a King who despite his luxurious lifestyle was neither happy nor content. One day, he came upon a servant who was singing happily while he worked. This fascinated the King, as being the Supreme Ruler of the Land, he was still unhappy and gloomy, while a lowly servant had so much joy. 

The Majesty asked the servant, ‘Why are you so happy?’

The man replied, ‘Your Majesty, I am nothing but a servant, but my family and I don’t need too much – just a roof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies.’

The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later in the day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearing the King’s woes and the servant’s’ story, the advisor said, ‘Your Majesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99 Club.

’ ‘The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?’ the King inquired. The advisor replied, ‘Your Majesty, to truly know what The 99 Club is, place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave it at this servant’s doorstep.’

From that day, the servant’s life was changed. He was overworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for not helping him make that 100th gold coin. He stopped singing while he worked.

Witnessing this drastic transformation, the King was puzzled.

When he sought his advisor’s help, the advisor said, ‘Your Majesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club.’ He continued, ‘The 99 Club is a name given to those people who have enough to be happy but are never contented, because they’re always yearning and striving for that extra bit saying to themselves: ‘Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happy for life.’   

We can be happy, even with very little in our lives, but the minute we are given something bigger and better, we want even more! We lose our sleep, our happiness, we hurt the people around us; all these as a price for our growing needs and desires.

That’s the 99 club! If you happened to be a member of this ‘elite Club, please quit this club today itself and give an opportunity for Happiness and Peace of mind to enter your life.

(2)  Singapore’s youngest millionaire at 26 yrs - Adam Khoo

This young man travels frequently in the Asian region to conduct educational seminars. Once at the airport, he met a participant on a plane to Malaysia who was surprised that a millionaire like him was seated at the economy class.

His reply was, ‘That’s why I am a millionaire.’

That guy still gave a confused expression.

To Adam, most people are mistaken that millionaires have to wear expensive brands like Gucci, Hugo Boss, Rolex, and sit on first class in air travel. Lavish spending is an end to all earnings and thus wealth never grows. He found most self-made millionaires are frugal and only spend on what is necessary and of value. Thus they are able to accumulate and multiply their wealth so much faster.


For him, he can easily save 60-80% of his income as compared to most people who can barely hit 10%. He is able to do that without any extravagance on luxury items. However, he is happy to invest much in his children’s education without any consideration.



He observed that those who inherit wealth and do not have to work hard spend like there is no tomorrow. Without having to build everything from scratch, money loses its significance. Material happiness never lasts, it just give you a quick fix. The satisfaction lingers for awhile and you would then crave for more to make you happy again. Living in a vacuum constantly chasing unrealistic dreams is a sad, demanding and unfulfilling task to keep up with.  Instead, what makes him happy is to see healthy growth in his children and stable of companies. He is most elated to receive emails that show appreciation on how his books and seminars have touched and inspired someone’s life. To him, this gift is better than a Rolex watch can do for him.

Simply put, his happiness is derived from the work accomplished and money is merely the by-product. Hence, a job that you do not enjoy doing does not provide you the means to acquire things that can bring you happiness.

(3)  The greater philanthropist

After the morning hustle and bustle, the atmosphere at the dark and damp Taitung county’s Central Market quietens as every stall shuts for the day and their owners return to the comfort of their homes. Not for a Ms Chen Shu-chu, an elderly lady in her 60s, who silently sorts out the vegetable leaves awaiting the occasional afternoon customers at her vegetable stall.

She leads a simple life with a daily routine. Waking up at three in the morning to ensure that she secures fresh supplies at the vegetable wholesaler centre first before proceeding to the market earlier than anyone. Her stall closes the latest around seven or eight in the evening. This business becomes her everything in life having left behind by her late father.

Decades of hard work have caused curled fingers, swollen joints and deformed feet. Nothing can deter her to continue working so hard.  Why does she has to toll so much?

With her vegetables selling at “a bundle for NT$30 (S$1.30), three bundles for NT$50″, she earns a pittance. However, her frugality has enable her to save and donate about NT$10 million (S$430000) towards various charitable causes, including schools, orphanages and needy. She said: “Spend only what you need, and you’ll be able to save up a lot of money!”

This selfless devoted Buddhist with such humble income has gained global recognition. Forbes magazine voted her one of 48 outstanding philanthropists from the Asia-Pacific region.  Also selected the year’s top 100 influential people by Time magazine and emerged under the Heroes of Philanthropy category. Fellow Taiwanese and Oscar-winning director Lee Ang and PM Ma Ying Jeou praised her openly for leading by example.


After becoming an overnight sensation in Taitung county. humility stays.

“I have done nothing extraordinary and anyone who wants to can do it. There are many other charitable people; we just don’t know about them,” she said. “I do not place great importance on money. When I donate to help others, I feel at peace and happy, and I can sleep well at night.”

It takes a poor person to empathise with another poor soul. Having experienced hardship in her younger days in an improverished family, she knows how important money is when one is desperate. No longer does she harbour any desire for material gain and her only form of enjoyment is work. All she needs is some vegetarian food and a place to sleep.

Her philosophy in life is simple: If doing something makes you worried, then it must be a wrong thing. If it makes you happy, then you must have done the right thing. What others say is not important.”

She is contented with what she has and feels that as long as she “lives a life she wishes for and does the things she wants, that is good enough. Most importantly, “Money is worthy only if given to those in need”.

Steve Jobs & cartoons

  

The legendary hero has finally succumbed to his deadly rival – pancreatic cancer.

 

This is a man who is so bold to dream ‘super-big’ and pursued his dreams relentlessly to achieve the impossible. Resigning at a young corporate age of 56 years, his 35 years’ remarkable record is unsurpassable as we watched how he revolutionised the nature of the technology, media and entertainment industries.  Under his charge, Apple was transformed from billion dollar losses into the world’s most valuable company, overtaking Exxon Mobil.

 

His business strategies….

 

Our tribute to him for constantly delivering us masterpieces which are brilliant and not merely visionary works. His infamous products like iPhone, iPad and iPod are not new creations or latest technologies but he was able to convince anyone that they are getting the newest and the best.  Marrying art and science, he applied his knowledge beyond technologies to achieve his aim.

 

Marketers always believe that inventors and consumers are not capable of handling new technologies well and thus achieving commercial success during the initial phase is rather low but he proved them wrong. He was a hands-on boss, involving himself in the entire process of design and development to product launch. Sure this genius knew his products can sell and did not require excessive market testing and marketing efforts.

 

His passion…..

 

Beside gifted talent and determination, passion is the driving force in all endeavors to succeed.  The famous quote “live as though there is no tomorrow” holds promises for those who dare to challenge the oddities and willing to work tirelessly to achieve miracles. This is what he believed in when diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.

 

Pancreatic cancer is one of the most lethal form of tumors, and when strike hard leaves the patient with about six months only. This disease took a heavy toll on his tormented body to continue the tough battle against an invincible opponent which he had not found a match in the business world. It was a miracle that after diagnosed in 2003 with a neuro-endocrine tumor, he was able to undergo a liver transplant in 2009 before passing out in 2011.

 

His social responsibilities….

 

“Every dark cloud has its silver lining” aptly describe the mentality of these positive thinking people endlessly searching for opportunities.  Someone said death is inevitable but we should be remembered for the roles we play after we are gone.  Few people can shoulder heavy responsibilities like Steve Jobs but all of us are capable of playing some smaller roles well. All of us ought to take a page from this wise man how to think ‘out of the box’ and dare to take on tough challenges in the face of adversities.

His legacy…

 

He bought George Lucas’s computer- graphics shop for $10 million and renamed it Pixar. The studio’s first feature film, “Toy Story,” was the top-grossing film of 1995, and kicked off an unbroken string of hits.  Walt Disney Co. bought Pixar in 2006 for $8.06 billion and gave Jobs a seat on the company’s board. He became Disney’s largest shareholder!

 

Steve Jobs never seemed to run out of job. First task assigned to him upon entering Heaven….


According to Bloomberg estimates, his net worth was at least $6.7 billion on his demise of which the 7.4% Disney stake was worth an astounding $4.4 billion, and his 5.5 million shares of Apple were worth $2.1 billion. (138 million shares of Disney had paid him at least $242 million in dividends before taxes since 2006.)

 

 

Stock options let holders buy shares later, usually at the trading price on the day the options were granted. Like other Silicon Valley executives, Jobs viewed the securities as a necessary incentive to keep valuable employees.

 

His tremendous success can be attributed to his attention on details from the product experience point of view and understand the business side of the house which few top management executives can be proud of!


An out of the world friendly conversation....

Love the PRICKS in Life

  

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but the best is when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person’s good qualities. Hence, If you are frustrated with someone for doing a wrong act on you, read the 3 stories below.

(1)  Baby porcupine

A baby porcupine is really cute.

During the coldest winter, many animals could not take it and die. To survive the harsh weather condition, the baby porcupines decided to group together. To generate heat, they covered and protected each other but their quills wounded their closest companions. On second thought, they decided to stay apart to avoid the pain and discomfort.  Not much later, some began to freeze and die. A choice is imperative: either to accept the quills of their companions or be wiped off. Wisely, the remaining few porcupines agreed to be back together. They have to tolerate with the little wounds inflicted by the close relationship with their companions to survive the critical period.



(2)  Dented truck

This is a real story which happened in the United States……

As a man stepped out of his house to admire his new truck, he was horrified to see his three-year-old son happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the vehicle.  In a moment of anger, he knocked him away, hammered the little boy’s hands into pulp as punishment.

After calming down, he rushed his son to the hospital. In a vain attempt to save the crushed bones, the surgeon had to resort to amputation of the boy’s fingers.  When the boy woke up from the surgery and saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said,

“Daddy, I’m sorry about your truck.” Then he asked, “but when are my fingers going to grow back?”

The father was so beaten by guilt that he went back to commit suicide.  Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or you wish to take revenge.

Be careful when you lose your patience with someone you love dearly. Trucks can be repaired but not broken bones and hearts.

(3)  Garbage truck
‏

One day a male passenger hopped in a taxi heading for the airport. The driver was keeping to the right lane when suddenly a black car moved out of a parking space right in front of the taxi. He was fast enough to slam on his brakes, skid and miss the other car by just inches! The other driver was petrified and started yelling at them.

The taxi driver responded with a smile and waved at the guy in a friendly manner. When inquired by the passenger why he did that, even though that guy almost ruined his car and almost sent them to the hospital, his reply was:

This is we call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck.’ He explained that many people are like garbage trucks, running around with full of garbage, frustration, anger and disappointment.  As their garbage piles up, a place is needed to dump and may happen to be on you. Therefore do not take it personally or you may spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Successful people do not allow garbage trucks to take over their day. They understand very well Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it!   


Conclusion

Take some time to recollect and ponder our interactions with people who can make the big difference in our life.  We often tend to take those who are close by for granted.  Even for a mere acquaintance, a relationship takes time and effort to cultivate and blossom.  Do not live to regret any link that you think is worth keeping. Love the people who treat you right.  Pray for the ones who do not.

Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets!

Last Wishes

    

Alexander (356-323 BC) , born in Pella, the ancient capital of Macedonia, was the son of Philip II, King of Macedonia, and of Olympia, a princess of Epirus. The royal couple wanted nothing less than the best for their son, so when he was 13, the best teacher during that era, Aristotle was engaged to be his personal tutor. Through the great philosopher’s tutelage, Alexander had a thorough training in rhetoric and literature, stimulated interest in science, medicine and philosophy, all of which were of paramount importance in his later life.

 

 Alexander was proclaimed king by the nobles and army at the age of 20 after the death of his father.  He went on to conquer the hugely-established Persian empire and annexed it to Macedonia. By the age of 30, he had created one of the largest empires of the ancient world, stretching from the Ionian Sea to the Himalayas covering some 5.2 million sq km (2 million sq m).  Being invincible in battle, he was considered one of history’s most successful military strategist and won the coveted title ”the Great.”

 

This legendary hero was known to be hot tempered, rash and impulsive in nature, but had a calmer side—perceptive, logical, calculating and philosophical.  During his warring expedition in India, Alexander sought out local philosophers, the Brahmins, who were famous for their wisdom to debate on philosophical issues.

 

Alexander's death at the prime age of 33 in the palace of Nebuchadnezzar II,  Babylon has been controversial since then.  One theory is that he was struck with pain after downing a large bowl of unmixed wine in honour of Hercules.  Apart from suspicion of fatal poisoning, natural-cause theories also tend to emphasise that his health may have been in general decline after years of heavy drinking and severe wounds.

 

At his final moment lying on the death-bed, he developed a fever, which rendered him speechless. The common soldiers, anxious about his health, were allowed to file past him as he waved silently at them.  His generals summoned earlier were told of his three ultimate wishes:

 

1. The best doctors should carry his coffin;

2. The wealth he has accumulated (money, gold, precious stones) should be scattered along the procession to the cemetery, and

3. His hands should be let loose, hanging outside the coffin for all to see!!

To the above last wishes, one of his generals puzzled by these unusual requests asked him to explain.  This is what he had to say:

1. I want the best doctors to carry my coffin to demonstrate that, in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal;  (HEALTH)

2. I want the road to be covered with my treasure so that everybody sees that material wealth acquired on earth, stays on earth… (WEALTH)

3. I want my hands to swing in the wind, so that people understand that we come to this world empty handed and we leave this world empty handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted, and that is TIME!  (TIME)

Alexander’s body was finally laid in a gold anthropoid sarcophagus that was filled with honey, which was in turn placed in a gold casket and delivered to one of his established posts.  Pompey, Julius Caesar and Augustus all visited his tomb during their reigns to pay their highest respects.

Lessons to learn…..

We are unable to bring any material WEALTH to the grave, although our good deeds may linger on.  If you are blessed with even a small fortune, show some generosity to the less fortunate in your celebratory mood.

Wealth can be accumulated but TIME is the most precious treasure because it is LIMITED.  When we give someone our time, we actually give a portion of our life that we will never get back. Use it discreetly and allocate more for good causes and deserving ones.

With poor HEALTH, Wealth and Time are likely to lose their significance.

The path to take to LIVE, LOVE and DIE lies on each of us.  Take a page from one of the greatest man alive.  Make this TIME  journey a meaningful and rewarding experience!

Top 5 REGRETS of the DYING

The author, Bronnie Ware has been working in palliative care for many years. His patients were those who had gone home to die. He rendered service to them for the last 3-12 weeks of their lives.


Most people are reflective of their own mortality in the last phase of life. Drastic emotional changes are observed in anticipation of demise but all learn to accept and find inner peace eventually before they pass off.

On any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced repeatedly. The most common ones voiced out at their deathbeds are:

1. I wish I had the courage to live a LIFE true to myself, not the life others expected of me

The No. 1 regret. Looking back with the last breath, most people have more than half of their dreams not fulfilled due to poor choices made. Losing one’s health and all attempts to satisfy the needs of others are two drawback factors. With a guilt conscience, the major concern is to get the financial affairs in order for the benefit of their loved ones.

2. I wish I did not WORK so hard

All the male patients have this regret of not spending enough time with the family but only concern about providing for them.  They have not spared the thought about simplifying their lifestyle until it is too late to realise the mistake.

3. I wish I had the courage to express my FEELINGS

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, many developed illnesses relating to the pent-up bitter and resentful feeling.

Though we cannot control the reactions of others, candid expression may end up raising the relationship to a whole new and healthier dimension. Even if it does not work you get the uneasy feeling out of your chest.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my FRIENDS

Many people are so caught up in their own lives that they had let friendships slip by over the years and lose track completely. During their lonesome moments, they wish these friends are by their sides before their departures.


5. I wish that I had let myself be HAPPIER

Many people are so comfortable sticking to their old patterns and habits even though they are not happy. Fear of change is usually the reason for status quo.

Lessons to learn


The above 5 points should sum up what life is all about. Upon reaching the end of our journey, most would ponder if the essentials of life are accomplished. 

Is it too late to start taking stocks then?  During our lifetime, how often do we live to regret?  Is sad that many people have to leave this world with so much guilts behind.

A simple life is all that is required for our existence. Those who have been caring for others know that one day they need the care of others, especially during these crucial moments.

Life is all about being happy each passing day. We do not have to leave behind a legacy, just some fond memories for others to remember about.…..

Work more? work less?

  

In a lecture, The Nobel Laureate, Dr. Esaki indicated that most of the winners start working on projects in their 20-30s, make great discoveries and innovations at an average age of 32 and receive Nobel prize awards 10 or 20 years thereafter.

 

With increasing age, the level of experience increases but a corresponding decline in creativity. Thus, it is vital to stimulate, encourage and cultivate more young promising scientists and engineers to come on board early. Conducive R&D environment is a prerequisite to enable them to unleash their potentials during their most precious and creative years.

 

Longevity Vs. Retirement Age

 

Surveys done showed that the pension funds in many large corporations (e.g., Boeing, Lockheed Martin, AT&T, Lucent Technologies, etc.) have been “overfunded” because many “late retirees” who working continuously into their twilight years and retired late died within two years after their retirement age of around 65. In other words, many of these late retirees did not live long enough to collect bulk of their pension monies.

 

A Dr. Ephrem Cheng provided the important results in the following Table and the associated chart from an actuarial study of life span vs. age at retirement. The study was based on the number of pension checks sent to retirees of Boeing Aerospace. Further comparisons showed close similarities amongst Lockheed, Bell Lab and Ford Motor.

 

 

Age at Retirement	Average Age At Death
49.9	86
51.2	85.3
52.5	84.6
53.8	83.9
55.1	83.2
56.4	82.5
57.2	81.4
58.3	80
59.2	78.5
60.1	76.8
61	74.5
62.1	71.8
63.1	69.3
64.1	67.9
65.2	66.8

 

 

Table indicates that for people retired at the age of 50, their average life span is 86 whereas for people retired at the age of 65, their average life span is only 66.8. Sad to say employees retiring at age of 65 receive pension checks for only 18 months, on average, prior to death.

 

An important conclusion from this study is that for every year one works beyond age 55, one loses 2 years of lifespan on average. The hard-working late retirees probably put too much stress on their aging body-and-mind resulting in various serious health problems that force them to quit and retire eventually. Prolonged stress-induced serious health issues can cause deaths within two years after their retirement. Luckily majority of the working population does not fall under this category.  

 

On the other hand, people who take early retirements at the age of 55 tend to live long and well into their 80s and beyond. These earlier retirees probably are either financially sound or do plan and manage their various aspects of their life, health and career well such that they can afford to retire early and comfortably. They do not stay around idle but continue to do some work of their interests on the part-time basis at a more leisure pace and less stress.

 

More findings

 

The Japanese understand the benefits of early retirement and most are off the hook by 60 or earlier. This may be one of the factors contributing to their longevity.  

 

Over in USA, the big corporations are now placing more value on the higher creativity and adaptability of younger employees and less value on the experience of the older employees.

 

The accelerating pace of innovations and technology advances is getting faster and faster and is forcing everyone to compete fiercely on the information super-highways. The highly productive and highly efficient workplace may be the playground for highly creative and dynamic young people to compete and to flourish, but tormenting for the older employees.

 

Conclusion

 

The most precious, creative and innovative period in your life is the 10-year period around the age of 32. Plan your career path to use your most productive years wisely and effectively to produce your greatest achievements in your life.

 

Early planning of your career path and financial matter can make comfortable retirement possible by the age of 55 or earlier to enjoy long, happy and relaxed retirement life into your golden age of 80s and beyond. In retirement, you can still enjoy some fun work of great interest to you and of great values to the society and the community.

 

 

Failure to do so only drag you back into the rat race which means more struggles before you hit the retirement age of 65 or older and then probably die within 18 months thereafter. By working very hard in the pressure cooker for 10 more years beyond the age of 55, you give up at least 20 years of your life span on average.

Having a stressful job is worse than losing your job. Research shows the correlation between heart disease and job stress for both sexes. In fact, women who are constantly subjected to high stress stand a 88% more chance of getting heart attacks and surgery than their less-stressed counterparts.

To make retirement a bliss, when one hits 50 his or her financial commitment should be reduced to a minimal.  This is the time to plan for retirement and begins the next chapter of  life.  Consider a less taxing job with lower responsibility and shorter working hours is most ideal.  With the advent of technology, working remotely is another possibility in the not too distant future.  Surveys found that people are willing to work for lower salaries off the conventional work sites in a more relaxed manner.  Is no longer work-life balance, but work-life integration.

Conclusion

No one has more or less time on hand. The difference lies in how each one of us manages each moment of our time. We do not have to abandon responsibilities but to overdose on duty is killing ourselves slowly.

Making GOOD decisions

  

Case 1:  Is BLACK or WHITE?

Once in a small Indian village, a poor farmer was heavily indebted to a village moneylender - an old and ugly man who took fancy on his beautiful daughter. He proposed to forgo the farmer’s debt in return for his daughter’s hands. Both of them were aghasted by the indecent proposal.

The cunning moneylender suggested that they let providence decides the fate. He demanded to put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag and the girl would have to pick one pebble from it.

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father’s debt forgiven.

2) By refusing to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

3) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father’s debt would be forgiven as well.

As they were talking on a pebble strewn path in the farmer’s field, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. The sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put both into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field -

What would you have done if you were the girl? OR
How should you advise her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to pick a pebble.

2. The girl should take both black pebbles out of the bag and expose the cheater.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder how best to resolve the problem. The above story should demonstrate how to appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl’s dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.

Is there a better solution?

Got the answer?  The girl was brillant to settle the matter amicably…..

She picked up a pebble from the moneybag. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

“Oh, how clumsy of me,” she said. “But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I had picked.”

Since the remaining pebble is black, the white one must have dropped off. The moneylender would not dare to admit his dishonesty and had to let them go as promised.

See how she changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extreme advantage.

Case 2:  LEFT or RIGHT

A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use whilst the other disused. All of them were playing on the operational track and only a child was found on the disused track.

When the train arrived, you were right beside the track interchange.

You have two choices now.

1)  To signal the train to change its course to the disused track and saved most of the kids but the lonely child playing by the disused track would be killed.

2)  Do nothing and let the train goes its way killing the rest of the children.

What kind of decision do you arrive at?

You may share the same thought as most people to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. It seems like a rational decision morally and emotionally.  However, on careful thought that child was doing the right thing to play on the safe disused track and had to be cruelly penalised because his ignorant friends did not bother to do right.

We have to note that the other kids could choose to run away upon hearing the train’s sirens. On the other hand, the lonesome kid would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track!

Also not forgetting the disused track was no longer safe to use and a diversion to this track jeopardised the life of the passengers on board the train at that time. It could end up with more tragedies in an unworthy attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing many more lives!

Such dilemma is posed frequently in our daily lives. For instance, in the political arena of a democratic society, the minority reckoned to be farsighted and knowledgeable is often sacrificed for the interest of the foolish or ignorant majority, without any regret and sympathy.


Life is full of tough decisions that need to think through thoroughly and properly. Do not give in easily when faced with a complex problem. Most hasty decisions made are usually not appropriate.