Nouns and words
Some examples of anthropomorphic collectives nouns for the various groups of animals.
We are most familiar with ……
A FLOCK OF DUCKLINGS
A GAGGLE OF GEESE
How about A HERD OF COWS?
A PRIDE OF LIONS
AN EXALTATION OF DOVES
How about A MURDER OF CROWS?
Few people are familiar with:
A PARLIAMENT OF OWLS
They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and sex-perverted of all primates - A CONGRESS OF BABOONS!
Watch your words too!
Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other in a sentence can lead to a story?
Here’s an example:
Oh John please don’t touch me at all…!
Oh John please don’t touch me at…!
Oh John please don’t touch…!
Oh John please don’t…!
Oh John please…!
Oh John..!
Oh…!
Each word in a sentence is important. Let us attempt to use the right words to convey a message correctly each time.
Enough of serious stuffs, let us learn English the fun way….
A GAGGLE OF GEESE
How about A HERD OF COWS?
A PRIDE OF LIONSAN EXALTATION OF DOVES
How about A MURDER OF CROWS?
Few people are familiar with:
A PARLIAMENT OF OWLSThey are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and sex-perverted of all primates - A CONGRESS OF BABOONS!
Watch your words too!
Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other in a sentence can lead to a story?
Here’s an example:
Oh John please don’t touch me at…!
Oh John please don’t touch…!
Oh John please don’t…!
Oh John please…!
Oh John..!
Oh…!
Each word in a sentence is important. Let us attempt to use the right words to convey a message correctly each time.
Enough of serious stuffs, let us learn English the fun way….
Punctuation
An English professor wrote the following words:
”A woman without her man is nothing” on the board and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All the males in the class wrote:
“A woman, without her man, is nothing.”
All the females in the class wrote:
“A woman: without her, man is nothing.”
Grammar
A secretary got an expensive Mont Blanc fountain pen as a birthday gift from her boss.
She sent him a “Thank You” note to his personal email. His wife happened to read it and filed for a divorce.
The contents read: Your penis wonderful. I enjoyed using it last nite. It has extraordinary smooth flow and firm strokes. For a start, its tip has to be licked to bring out some drips and is equally good on both sides. I love its perfect size and grip. It gives me a heavenly feel when in use.
My desire to own it finally with you fulfilling my wish. Thanks for allowing me to keep it forever.
Description
Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Arlene: What in the hell is that?
Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.
Arlene: Where did you get it?
Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.
The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
‘Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel (cigar brand).’
Word origin
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACEELEVEN PLUS TWO
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
Mind your language
1. A daughter sent a telegram to her father on passing her B. Ed exams, which the father received as “Father, your daughter has been successful in BED.”
Morale of the Story: Double proof read everything before you send.
2. A husband, while on a business trip to a hill station sent a telegram to his wife “I wish you were here.”
The message received by the wife was “I wish you were her.”
Morale of the Story: Don’t trust others to write it right for you.
3. A man wanted to celebrate his wife’s birthday by throwing a party. So he called to order a birthday cake. The staff at the confectionary shop asked him what message he wanted put on the cake.
He thought for a moment and said, “put getting older but you are getting better”.
The salesperson asked “How do you want the wordings to be done?”
The man said ‘Well … put “You are getting older” at the top and “but you are getting better” at the bottom.’
When the cake was unveiled at the party, all the guests were aghast at the message on the cake.
It read: “You are getting older at the top, but you are getting better at the bottom.”
Morale of the Story: Don’t order cakes by telephone.
ORIGIN of words
The “Rule of the thumb” is derived from an old English law that stated that you couldn’t beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the “honeymoon.”
In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had the consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King and he gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of King) on it. Now you know where that came from.
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the “honeymoon.”
In ancient England a person could not have sex unless you had the consent of the King (unless you were in the Royal Family). When anyone wanted to have a baby, they got consent of the King and he gave them a placard that they hung on their door while they were having sex. The placard had F.U.C.K. (Fornication Under Consent of King) on it. Now you know where that came from.
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