Case 1: Here goes your ass!
A priest entered his donkey in a race and it won.
He was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PRIEST’S ASS OUT FRONT!
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST’S ASS!
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10!
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE!
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is….
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery…and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life…
Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!
Case 2: Assassin wanted!
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists…2 men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. “Kill her!!!”
The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”
The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.
Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
“This gun is loaded with blanks”, she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
There it goes: The right MAN for the job is a WOMAN!
He was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PRIEST’S ASS OUT FRONT!
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST’S ASS!
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN!
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10!
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE!
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is….
Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery…and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life…
Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer!
Case 2: Assassin wanted!
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists…2 men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. “Kill her!!!”
The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”
The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes.
Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”
The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”
Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow.
“This gun is loaded with blanks”, she said. “I had to beat him to death with the chair.”
There it goes: The right MAN for the job is a WOMAN!
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